Giving Up in Order to Gain.

Life is interesting in a way that it takes twists and turns that you never expected. How different seasons of life change you in ways that you never thought they would. Life is this vast collection of experiences and moments made up with people and circumstances. The older I get the more reflective I get as well. The more I re evaluate what is working and not working in my life. The more I ask God, "Where do you have me?" or "What is your will in this season?"

Did you catch that? In this season?

There was a long period of years in my life when I thought that what God called me to back when I was in my early teens and twenties was what my life would be and look like for the rest of my life. 

Not to say that it doesn't always look like that for some. I think it just depends on where you're at in your own faith journey. Everyone has different conversations with God, yours are probably very different than mine. And then again they just might be the same depending on what we're talking about. 

For a long time I didn't want anything to change. I felt the stirring in my heart, I felt God calling me to move on from certain areas of my life. And you know what? I couldn't let them go. Even though I knew that he was leading me in that direction, even though I knew that it would be a time for growth I didn't want to let them go. 

And when we feel God calling us in any area and we don't act in obedience, that result is direct disobedience. And what can God do in my life when I am choosing not to follow him even in the smallest areas? Simple answer, not a whole lot.

I end up doing things in my own strength, without God. And that's not who he's called me to be. In my flesh it's hard to give things up that I want, or that I hold dear for some reason. The last six months I felt that stirring. I felt God telling me, "Andrea, you need to let this go, in order to see what I really have for you." 

"You are not defined by this, you are defined by me."

You may not know, but for the last seven years I've been a licensed minister. I have a certificate that shows that I'm a legit licensed Pastor. I felt God call me to ministry when I was a teen, and for a long time I ran from a ministry calling out of fear. In college I finally accepted that call on my life and took steps in my education to complete a degree and gain my ministers license. I've been licensed ever since. 

I had dreams of being a pastor in a local church and doing ministry with my husband. And for a while we were doing just that. Over time our circumstances have changed and God has us in a different place. 

I kept my credentials for a long time, renewing them every year because I thought God would bring us into full time ministry. When that didn't happen the way I thought it should I'll be honest and tell you that I was frustrated and confused. 

After a while my ministers license became a sore point for me. When people would ask me about it, when I would see it (the paper) sitting framed in a box. And then it became this sort of validation for me. A validation for my faith, a validation for people, a symbol of status in a way. It was everything to me that it shouldn't be. 

And that's when I felt God saying let it go. That's when I realized that it doesn't and shouldn't define me or my faith. Is that to say that I'll never be licensed again? I don't know, I don't know what plans God has for me in that area. 

What I do know is that I'm walking in obedience right now, where he's leading me. I'm giving up in order to gain....

Perspective.

A piece of my relationship with Christ back, that I let get clouded for to long. 

And letting God fill those voids in my heart that are left there from disappointed over the issue of not being in full time ministry. The reality is that I need to get back to the heart of ministering to people weather or not I have a piece of paper next to my name that says "I can." And do it because it's my heart, and that's what God's called me to first.

My Word for 2014: THRIVE

Happy New Year friends! 

A new year always brings a new slate. The anticipation of new things to come. When the year comes to an end naturally it has me thinking and reflecting on the new year. Last year my word was PEACE, 2012 was a year of changes for our family and I was looking for peace and calmness in all areas of our life. I also was looking forward to building a home in our new house. As I look back on 2013 I see how we did just that. 

But 2013 was also a hard year for me emotionally. I became a mom of two little ones. I had a baby that only recently after his one year birthday began sleeping through the night. It was a hard year for me personally dealing with friendships. I've struggled to find priority in what to share in this space, and how to make sense of major transitions in my life.

I've spent a lot of time in prayer just me and the Lord figuring out who I am in the face of all of this transition. What kind of mom am I to be? Where do I go in this new season of life? Who does God want me to be in this new season? 

As I started to work things through in prayer + in my quiet time I started to see just where God has me in this season. He began to bring a new freshness in my perspective that changed my heart. 

This year I want to Thrive.

I want to thrive in being a mother. For much of this past year I have felt like just take it one day at a time, when I don't know what to do. Being a mom is tough work. When I left my full time job outside the home to stay at home with my kiddos I had no idea how hard that would be for me when all I ever wanted to do was be at home. But after working two and a half years outside the home it was more of a transition for me than I realized it would be. At times I've felt like a failure, other times I felt like mom of the year. Most of 2013 I felt like I was floundering and only doing the bare minimum in getting things done. It may not have always seemed that way on the outside but on the inside that's where I was at. 

When I get overwhelmed or unsure I tend to retreat inward. I tend to get very introspective and not really tell anyone else what's going on, or what I'm feeling until I know what to do with those feelings or make sense of them. I started flooding my life and filling my life with things that didn't matter instead of taking a look at the feelings and things that did. I felt like at times I was barely scraping the bottom.

I want to thrive and not just survive in being the best wife I can be. In figuring out what commitments I need to let go of in order to thrive in other areas of my life. I've always been good at seeing what takes up my time and what I need to let go of. That is not always an easy process but throughout much of 2013 I filtered through a lot of things. I find myself now needing to simplify and make some decisions and ultimately let some things so to free myself and make room for other new things. 

I have new ideas on where I want to take my business + this blog and I can't wait to share them. Taking comfort in God's peace and assurance during this time. I hope to re focus this year and what my life looks like now in this current season. Here's a few verses I'm repeating to myself and keeping on my mind. 

They will thrive like watered grass, like willows on the river bank. Isaiah 44:4 NLT

But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love. Psalms 52:8 NLT

Do you have a word for 2014? If so, I'd love to hear about it. Leave it in the comments below or leave the link to your post where you talk about it. I'd love to read your stories.